NFL Playoffs Week One

Cincinnati +4 at Houston: Bet the house on the Bengals.  They have the better QB and are getting 4?!?!  Houston’s entering the game on a 3 game skid, finally showing the effects of a string of injuries to key players.  Cincinnati.

Detroit +11 at New Orleans: You got two 5000 yard passers airing it out, and both QBs enter the game red-hot, which has some people dreaming of a GB-Arizona/Warner-Rodgers type game—it won’t happen, and I’ll explain why later.  The Saints have won 8 straight, 5 of them by at least two touchdowns. . .the Lions defense was humiliated by Matt Flynn last week. . .it was so bad, it left you wondering how in the Hell they could even force New Orleans to punt one time.  But the Lions defense isn’t that bad. . .no NFL team’s defense is that bad. . .the week before, the Lions held San Diego to 10.  But the Lions aren’t going to win. . .because they have to beat the Saints and the zebras, with the Saints actually being easier to beat. . .there will be plenty of iffy pass interference and horse collar penalties  giving Brees at least one 5 down series on each possession. . . and Lions receivers will have to get 3 feet down in the end zone for any tds to count.   If the game was played with both teams wearing generic uniforms, I’d pick the Saints to win, but the Lions to cover, but since the Lions will have to wear their road uniforms , the pick against the spread is New Orleans.

Atlanta +3 at New York Giants: Atlanta getting 3?  Ridiculous.  E-Z money to be made betting on the Falcons. . .they are better than the Giants, plain and simple.  The Giants can’t run, and have a mediocre run defense—all the Falcons have to do is pay attention to Victor Cruz, and then give the ball to Turner 25 times, and they win going away.  The only way the Falcons lose is if the Giants d-line plays like they used to three years ago and harass Ryan into tossing 3 INTs.  I don’t see that happening.  Atlanta.  

Pittsburgh at Denver +9: Initially I figured Pittsburgh would blow away the Broncos, but the more I think about it, the more I like Denver.  Pittsburgh has not been an offensive juggernaut by any means, barely averaging 20 points a game, and the Broncos defense has only been torched by premier pass offenses like Detroit, New England and Green Bay. . .the Steelers ain’t  in that league.   Of course, the Broncos are going to be hard pressed to score any points against the Steelers defense.  The one thing the Broncos do well is run the ball, and the Steelers have a solid run defense.  It’s hard to imagine Tebow even passing for 100 against Pittsburgh, so for the Broncos to win, they’ll have to get turnovers, kick a lot of field goals and maybe get a return TD from their defense or special teams. . .not likely to happen, but they should kick enough field goals to beat the spread against the Steelers mediocre offense.  Denver.

NFL Regular Season Wrap-Up

Not much left to decide in the final week.  Two yo-yo teams, the Giants and Cowboys, will play to decide the NFC East.  The Cowboys are the better team, but have found some bizarre ways to lose this year.  Tony Homo already has an excuse for losing (a sore hand injured when cutting a glory hole in a rest stop shitter on I-35 near Fort Worth) which actually gives the Cowboys an edge.  With his excuse on the ready, Homo can relax and not worry about being the goat, thus the Cowboys are the pick to win over the Giants.

Coach of the Year: Jim Harbaugh.  Turned around the 49ers in his first year, which gives him the edge over Krazy Jim Schwartz, who took three years to fix the Lions.  Runners-up: Krazy Jim Schwartz, John Fox, who continues to win games with sub-par quarterbacks, Marvin Lewis, the only really good negro coach in the NFL (Mike Tomlin inherited his success from Cowher.  Let's see him face some adversity, like Jim Caldwell did this year, and then we'll be able to make a proper judgment).

Flop Coach of the Year: Steve Spagnuolo.  The Rams were getting almost as much hype as the Lions in the pre-season, yet while the Lions have lived up to the hype with a nice 10 - 5 record, the Rams have crapped all over themselves, sitting in their own stink at 2 - 13, and not even coming close in most of the 13 losses.  The Rams need to cut loose of the wop Spagnuolo.  Runners-up: Morbidly obese Andy Reid, whose All-Star Eagles team couldn't even win the crappy NFC East. Negro Leslie Frazier who inherited a QB mess, but still, the man was a supposed defensive genius, and the talent-rich Vikings' D has given up almost 30 points per game. Negro Raheem Morris, who had a terrible first year in Tampa, then somehow won 10 games last year, but now stares at the possibility of ending his third year with a ten game losing streak.  If he gets fired, don't be surprised if he whines about race.

MVP: Aaron Rodgers.  Sure, Brees has had a fantastic year, too.  But the Packers wouldn't even make the playoffs without A-Rodg.  The Packers defense is crap, their O-Line is mediocre, they have only one good receiver, and a couple average running backs.  The Saints have enough weapons on offense, and a strong enough defense to win 9 or 10 games without Brees.  Runners-up: Tom Brady.  Mathilda Stafford.  Stafford???  Ahead of Brees?? Yes, sir.  Look at this way: Jim Schwartz looked a lot like wop Steve Spagnuolo in games Stafford missed, but when Mathilda stays on her feet, Krazy Jim is the Les Miles of the NFL.

Rookie of the Year: Cam Newton.  No contest.  If Carolina's beaner coach Ron Rivera can fix that defense even a little next year, look out.  Carolina will surge past Atlanta, and maybe even the Saints.  All Newton has to do is cut his interceptions in half, and the Panthers will have an unstoppable offense.  Runners-up: Andy Dalton, AJ Green, Julio Jones, Von Miller, DeMarco Murray.

Detroit Lions 28, Oakland Raiders 27

14 games, and Mathilda Stafford is still standing.  She took a hit early against the Raiders and did a half-roll on the ground, complete with one of her trademark winces—it looked IR here we come, but no, she got back up and kept firing.  14 games, and Mathilda Stafford is still standing. . .and now the Lions can probably back into the playoffs. . .but one win and they’re in for sure.  Another great comeback for the Lions.  Media were slagging the Lions for their undisciplined play after the Packers and Saints games. . .Jim Schwartz was taking heat for being an enabler, blah blah.  But now it appears Krazy Jim will have the last manic laugh.  The Lions have discipline when they need it.  When the margin for error is razor thin, they make plays to win.  But the key is Mathilda staying on her feet.  She’s the difference-maker.  Calvin Johnson had a great game, for sure, but it all rides on Mathilda.  She’s got to throw 50 times a game, now, as the Lions are basically playing without a running back.  And here’s the good news: if the season ended today, as they say, in the playoffs we would be treated to Pat-a-Cake Bowl II, the Harbaugh-Schwartz rematch.

NCAA Regular Season Wrap-Up

Coach of the Year: Bill Snyder, Kansas State.  Here's a team that doesn't do anything very well, but they won 8 games by 7 points or less and finished 10 - 2.  True, they did it in the softest BCS conference this side of the Big East (which shouldn't even be a BCS conference), but still, this is a team that really should have won only 6 games, at best, but Snyder out-coached glamor boys like Mack Brown and beat bigger boys like A&M, and figured out a way to beat Robert Griffin III.  I wouldn't be surprised if Snyder finds a way to beat Ar-Kansas in the Cotton Bowl.  Runners-Up: Les Miles, 13 - 0 against a brutal schedule. Ron English, winning 6 games at Eastern Michigan is like winning 13 games at LSU.  Mike London, Virginia came out of nowhere to win 8 games.  Honorable Mention: Dabo Swinney, the Jim Schwartz of College Football, nobody has a bigger chip on his shoulder in the college game, listen to his classic bitter, resentful, sarcastic response to Steve Spurrier's mocking of Clemson (starts at 1:48):

A guy like this could never coach at a place like Michigan. Unfortunately. Thank God.

Flop Coach of the Year: Mike Sherman, Texas A&M.  Pre-season #8, finishes 6 - 6 in a crappy conference.  Sherman coached every big game like Bill Buckner fielded ground balls in the 10th inning of a World Series Game 6.  Runners-Up: Will Muschamp, Florida.  Jimbo Fisher, Florida State.  Mack Brown, Texas.  Dishonorable Mention: Randy Edsall.  Ha ha ha. . .Maryland is the laughingstock of college football after forcing out obese coach Ralph Friedgen (after a 9 win season) in favor of this coaching lemon.  Maryland was the biggest turd of the season, finishing a disgraceful 2 - 10 under the misguidance of Edsall.

Heisman: No contest.  Robert Griffin III.  Baylor beats Oklahoma, TCU and Texas??  Look at Baylor's record next year to see how good Griffin was.  It will be a shame if Griffin loses to Plowhorse Trent Richardson.  Tell me what Alabama's record would have been this year without Richardson.  That's right: 11 - 1.  Eddie Lacy would have done exactly what Richardson did.  There was nothing at all remarkable or special about Richardson's season.  Any average running back would have done the same.  Runners-Up: Montee Ball, Wisconsin.  Far better year than Richardson.  Jordan White, Western Michigan.  Whitney Mercilus, Illinois. Freshman of the Year: Sammy Watkins, Clemson.

Top Ten:
1. LSU
2. Oklahoma State
3. Alabama
4. USC
5. Oregon
6. Boise State
7. Ar-Kansas
8. South Carolina
9. Georgia
10. Stanford

NFL Week 12

Green Bay at Detroit +7: The Lions biggest game since the Christmas Eve 2000 season-ender, when all they had to do was beat a 4 win Chicago team to earn a playoff spot. But negro starting QB Charlie Batch punked out of the game at the last minute, claiming sore ribs, forcing the Lions to play inept back-up QB Stoney Case. The Lions lost, the Fords panicked and fired Gary Moeller, who would have been a helluva NFL coach, and then began the disastrous Matt Millen era. The Lions are in a wildcard chase now, and a win over the Packers would put them at 8 - 3, meaning they’d probably only need 2 more wins to get in. But they must beat Aaron Rodgers. . .Aaron Rodgers, the Greatest Quarterback of All-Time. . .that’s right, the Greatest Quarterback of All-Time. No QB has ever played like this guy is playing. Not even close. There’s only one way to beat Rodgers, and that’s the way the Lions beat him last year, knock him out of the game. There’s no hoping for an *off game* with this guy. You have to physically beat him out of the game. Fortunately, the Lions front four gives them a chance to do this. You’ll see a bunch more defensive penalties from the Lions in this one, as they try to injure the NFL’s All-Time Greatest Quarterback. I guess you could try to outscore the Packers, as Kurt Warner and Arizona did in that amazing playoff game a couple years ago, but that’s a sucker’s bet. . .although Mathilda Stafford will come into this game with a pretty hot hand, hitting 23 of her last 26 in the comeback over the Panthers. Stafford might be able to keep the Lions in range, but they’ll need Suh, Avril or Corey Williams to twist Rodgers head off to win this one. What the Hell, let’s say Nick Fairley finally does something, and rolls up Rodgers’ leg. Detroit.

Miami +7 at Dallas: Dallas has won three in a row, and statistically, they’re pretty good in every category. . .but they’ve played a pretty soft schedule. . .and Tony Romo hasn’t fucked anything up in a while, so you know he’s do for a bonehead moment, and with the Thanksgiving TV audience watching, maybe he can match Leon Lett’s 1993 Turkey Day boner, which was also against the Dolphins. . .and Miami’s won three straight anyway, allowing only 20 points total. Miami.

San Francisco +3 at Baltimore: Harbaugh Bowl I. Jim Harbaugh has the 49ers on one of the best rolls in recent NFL seasons. Not one of the flashiest, like the Brady Patriots, but one of rock solid disciplined play. . .we haven’t seen this kind of football in the NFL since maybe those old John Riggins Redskins teams. But Jimmy maybe is feeling a little tight about this one, as he has already prepared an excuse for a loss to big bro. That’s not a good sign, in my opinion. The Ravens don’t play every week, plain and simple. They lose to crap teams on the road. But this is a home game, against a good team, and the Ravens will come with their A game. Baltimore.

Buffalo +8 at New York Jets: The Jets have lost two in a row, including that incredible defeat at the feet of Tim Tebow. The Bills have lost 3 in a row, and are getting pounded, even by bad teams. Both sit now at 5 - 5, needing a win to boost their wildcard hopes. The Jets beat the Bills handily 3 weeks ago in Buffalo--if they can’t beat them at home this week, their season is over. New York Jets.

Chicago +3 at Oakland: No Jay Cutler. The Bears had been on a pretty good streak, 5 straight, and they beat some decent teams. Now it’s up to Caleb Hanie, who actually played better than Cutler in the NFC title game against the Packers last year. The Bears offense won’t be the reason they lose this one. The Bears defense won’t be able to stop the Raiders power run game, and Palmer will hit a few big passes. The Raiders have a chance to pull away in the AFC West. Oakland.

Denver +7 at San Diego: The Chargers have flopped miserably, losing 5 in a row after a 4 - 1 start. I think it’s safe to say their Super Bowl *window* has closed. Now it’s time to begin speculating on their next coach, etc. BUT, I’ll stick pick them to beat Denver. Even though the Chargers run defense sucks, which conveniently plays into the Broncos’ one strength, I can’t imagine Denver winning. I couldn’t imagine any of those crazy scenarios which allowed the Broncos to win 4 out of 5 with a 44% passer. Watching Tim Tebow play QB is like watching a Jerry Lewis movie. . .all slapstick, incredible bumbling and awkwardness and lack of coordination, and yet Tebow, like Lewis, somehow manages to be the hero at the end. What’s he gonna do this week, throw a last second pass that hits a zebra in the head, and ricochets 20 yards back to him, he catches it and zigzags 40 yards through the Chargers defense for the winning TD? San Diego.

NCAA Week 13

Arizona: Hires RichRod!  Good for RichRod. . .there's no question RichRod was stabbed in the back by the Lloyd Carr wing at U-M. . .everything was negative from Day One with RichRod. . .the black cloud never left him. . .and while I eventually tired of his inability to field even a mediocre defense or special teams, and he ultimately must take responsibility for the terrible 15 - 22 record, it must be noted he handled all the back-stabbing, the negativity, the all-around ill will from most of the state of Michigan with class [a bit of an eccentric, backwoods kind of class, but class nonetheless].  And his ability to construct a dynamic offense cannot be questioned. Arizona should be a good fit for RichRod, he should be able to put together a big offense quickly out there, but he's inheriting a team with a lousy defense. . .I doubt he'll be brining Greg Robinson with him. . .the one big choice he has to get right is Defensive Coordinator. . .if he makes the right hire, if he can lure his old buddy Jeff Casteel from WVU, he should have no problems competing in the Pac Whatever It Is. . .Rich Rod is a likable fellow, a decent guy who deserved better from the *Michigan Family,* and I would love to one day see a Michigan - Arizona Rose Bowl. . .what a great story that would be. . .the grudge match of the Age.  Good luck, RichRod!

Texas +8 at Texas A&M: Now that they've flopped away their season, and are firmly entrenched with nothing to play for but a marginally better Flea Bag Bowl, A&M should hammer their soon-to-be-former big rival, giving Texas another poor season, and setting the stage for Longhorn Nation handwringing over Mack Brown fatigue: how many games does Mack have to win next year before his seat gets hot?  Texas A&M.

Iowa +9 1/2 at Nebraska: Way back in my first message here I said: We’ll see just how shitty the Big 12 really is, after Nebraska, the preseason pick to win the Big 10, loses at least 3 Big 10 games. 3 in the bank, already.  The Big Whatever It Was is a soft conference, as evidence by Nebraska. . .they supposedly had a tough defense, but nobody in the Big 10 had any problem moving against them. . .even Ohio State ran up and down the field on them. . .Nebraska was too soft for the mediocre Big Ten, and they had a mediocre conference season, and now they wind up playing Iowa, a typical Big Ten team--not very good, but well-coached, particularly on defense.  Iowa should be able to cover, and I wouldn't be surprised if Iowa gave Nebraska one last slap in the face in their first Big Ten season.  Iowa.

Ar-Kansas +13 at LSU: The BCS experts say that even if Ar-Kansas beats LSU, LSU would still get the nod to play Alabama in a Paint Dry Bowl II BCS title game. . .huh?  How the hell is that even possible?  They need to have a human selection committee for this thing, instead of some dumb *mathematical* formula that rewards a losing team with the Grand Prize.  I'll be pulling for Ar-Kansas and Auburn to blow-up the BCS this weekend.  LSU.

Georgia at Georgia Tech +6: Tech has lost to all the good teams on their schedule, except a fading Clemson.  Georgia has won 9 in a row and won a spot in the SEC Title game.  Georgia's run defense has been outstanding, they are now #2 in the nation, trailing only mighty Alabama.  They'll get a test in this one, going against the #2 rushing offense in the nation.  Georgia.

Ohio State +8 at Michigan: A day before Jim Tressel was fired, who would have imagined OSU would enter this game an 8 point underdog?  But OSU has fallen to mediocre status in a swift fashion, and now poor Luke Fickell has only this game to save this season from being a bitter memory.  If he beats Michigan, he'll still be fired. . .Urban Meyer is already talking about the job openly, drama queening it by moaning what a tough decision he'll have to make. . .sure, coach, sure. . .but if Fickell could win this game, he'll at least have one pleasant memory for himself of his one no-way-to-come-out-of-it-alive season as Head Coach in his dream job.  Brady Hoke's dream job, season one, has been a success, nobody is complaining about the 9 - 2 record, as he has restored Michigan to its Lloyd Carr status. . .but if he should lose this game to a broken OSU team, it will definitely be a HUGE disappointment. . .Michigan has lost 7 in a row, they need to break that streak before Meyer gets the Buckeyes retooled.  I wouldn't say there is pressure on Michigan to win this game, but there is an expectation. . .the 10 win season, a decent bowl, and finally a win over OSU. . .to lose to a lousy Buckeye team will be a sour ending to what has been a very sweet first season for Brady Hoke.  Michigan stopped Taylor Martinez last week, and Braxton Miller is all OSU has, so you would think Michigan should win fairly easily. . .but never underestimate Denard Robinson's ability to turn the ball over and keep the other team in the game.  If Michigan wins, it won't be by 8.  Ohio State.

Alabama at Auburn +21: Why is Trent Richardson a Heisman candidate, and not Wisconsin's Monte Ball?  Richardson is another Mark Ingram. . .another over-rated college plowhorse, who in the NFL will be nothing but a Carousel Horse.  Compare Richardson's stats to Ball, and you will see Ball is the better player.  Anyway, Auburn lost BIG to Georgia, LSU and Ar-Kansas, why should Alabama be any different?  It's a rivalry game and you throw out the records, blah, blah, blah.  But Georgia Southern showed if you don't play afraid of Alabama, you can actually make some yards on that defense.  I think Alabama's been a little over-rated all season. . .they really only played two good teams. . .they beat Ar-Kansas easily and lost to LSU. . .both at home.  Auburn won't win, but if they don't wet their pants in the lockerroom prior to the game because it's Alabama, they could cover.  Auburn.

NFL Week 11 Results

Detroit 49, Carolina 35: The Lions started off like they left off in Chicago. . .INTs galore, fumbles, big kick returns allowed. . .just like that it's 24 - 7 Carolina.  But then Mathilda Stafford got hot, and *previously owned* running back Kevin Smith, just off the scrap heap, had the game of his life. . .the Lions offense was unstoppable in the second half, as they scored like they were playing a Big Whatever It Was Conference defense.  This keeps the Lions in the running for a wildcard, and gives them a little juice for theThanksgiving Day game against rhe Packers.  First chance to get a good look at Cam Newton. . .looked like a faster version of Daunte Culpepper. . .when the Panthers fix their Oklahoma State-like defense, they'll be a very tough team to beat.

Philadelphia 17, New York Giants 10: I said a couple weeks ago the Giants were the worst 6 - 2 team in the NFL. . .and they proved it by losing to Vince Young and a D.O.A. Eagles team.  The Eagles have a lousy run defense, yet all the Giants could get was 29 yards on 17 carries.  Looks like another fast start and playoff-blowing finish for Tom Coughlin.  The Eagles are still D.O.A.

Miami 35, Buffalo 8: And just like that, the Bills are crap, again.

San Francisco 23, Arizona 7: The Jim Harbaugh machine keeps rolling.  They play the Ravens on Thanksgiving night in the first Harbaugh Bowl. . .should be a helluva game. . .a throwback game to the old days when teams still played defense.