NFL Regular Season Wrap-Up

Not much left to decide in the final week.  Two yo-yo teams, the Giants and Cowboys, will play to decide the NFC East.  The Cowboys are the better team, but have found some bizarre ways to lose this year.  Tony Homo already has an excuse for losing (a sore hand injured when cutting a glory hole in a rest stop shitter on I-35 near Fort Worth) which actually gives the Cowboys an edge.  With his excuse on the ready, Homo can relax and not worry about being the goat, thus the Cowboys are the pick to win over the Giants.

Coach of the Year: Jim Harbaugh.  Turned around the 49ers in his first year, which gives him the edge over Krazy Jim Schwartz, who took three years to fix the Lions.  Runners-up: Krazy Jim Schwartz, John Fox, who continues to win games with sub-par quarterbacks, Marvin Lewis, the only really good negro coach in the NFL (Mike Tomlin inherited his success from Cowher.  Let's see him face some adversity, like Jim Caldwell did this year, and then we'll be able to make a proper judgment).

Flop Coach of the Year: Steve Spagnuolo.  The Rams were getting almost as much hype as the Lions in the pre-season, yet while the Lions have lived up to the hype with a nice 10 - 5 record, the Rams have crapped all over themselves, sitting in their own stink at 2 - 13, and not even coming close in most of the 13 losses.  The Rams need to cut loose of the wop Spagnuolo.  Runners-up: Morbidly obese Andy Reid, whose All-Star Eagles team couldn't even win the crappy NFC East. Negro Leslie Frazier who inherited a QB mess, but still, the man was a supposed defensive genius, and the talent-rich Vikings' D has given up almost 30 points per game. Negro Raheem Morris, who had a terrible first year in Tampa, then somehow won 10 games last year, but now stares at the possibility of ending his third year with a ten game losing streak.  If he gets fired, don't be surprised if he whines about race.

MVP: Aaron Rodgers.  Sure, Brees has had a fantastic year, too.  But the Packers wouldn't even make the playoffs without A-Rodg.  The Packers defense is crap, their O-Line is mediocre, they have only one good receiver, and a couple average running backs.  The Saints have enough weapons on offense, and a strong enough defense to win 9 or 10 games without Brees.  Runners-up: Tom Brady.  Mathilda Stafford.  Stafford???  Ahead of Brees?? Yes, sir.  Look at this way: Jim Schwartz looked a lot like wop Steve Spagnuolo in games Stafford missed, but when Mathilda stays on her feet, Krazy Jim is the Les Miles of the NFL.

Rookie of the Year: Cam Newton.  No contest.  If Carolina's beaner coach Ron Rivera can fix that defense even a little next year, look out.  Carolina will surge past Atlanta, and maybe even the Saints.  All Newton has to do is cut his interceptions in half, and the Panthers will have an unstoppable offense.  Runners-up: Andy Dalton, AJ Green, Julio Jones, Von Miller, DeMarco Murray.

Detroit Lions 28, Oakland Raiders 27

14 games, and Mathilda Stafford is still standing.  She took a hit early against the Raiders and did a half-roll on the ground, complete with one of her trademark winces—it looked IR here we come, but no, she got back up and kept firing.  14 games, and Mathilda Stafford is still standing. . .and now the Lions can probably back into the playoffs. . .but one win and they’re in for sure.  Another great comeback for the Lions.  Media were slagging the Lions for their undisciplined play after the Packers and Saints games. . .Jim Schwartz was taking heat for being an enabler, blah blah.  But now it appears Krazy Jim will have the last manic laugh.  The Lions have discipline when they need it.  When the margin for error is razor thin, they make plays to win.  But the key is Mathilda staying on her feet.  She’s the difference-maker.  Calvin Johnson had a great game, for sure, but it all rides on Mathilda.  She’s got to throw 50 times a game, now, as the Lions are basically playing without a running back.  And here’s the good news: if the season ended today, as they say, in the playoffs we would be treated to Pat-a-Cake Bowl II, the Harbaugh-Schwartz rematch.

NCAA Regular Season Wrap-Up

Coach of the Year: Bill Snyder, Kansas State.  Here's a team that doesn't do anything very well, but they won 8 games by 7 points or less and finished 10 - 2.  True, they did it in the softest BCS conference this side of the Big East (which shouldn't even be a BCS conference), but still, this is a team that really should have won only 6 games, at best, but Snyder out-coached glamor boys like Mack Brown and beat bigger boys like A&M, and figured out a way to beat Robert Griffin III.  I wouldn't be surprised if Snyder finds a way to beat Ar-Kansas in the Cotton Bowl.  Runners-Up: Les Miles, 13 - 0 against a brutal schedule. Ron English, winning 6 games at Eastern Michigan is like winning 13 games at LSU.  Mike London, Virginia came out of nowhere to win 8 games.  Honorable Mention: Dabo Swinney, the Jim Schwartz of College Football, nobody has a bigger chip on his shoulder in the college game, listen to his classic bitter, resentful, sarcastic response to Steve Spurrier's mocking of Clemson (starts at 1:48):

A guy like this could never coach at a place like Michigan. Unfortunately. Thank God.

Flop Coach of the Year: Mike Sherman, Texas A&M.  Pre-season #8, finishes 6 - 6 in a crappy conference.  Sherman coached every big game like Bill Buckner fielded ground balls in the 10th inning of a World Series Game 6.  Runners-Up: Will Muschamp, Florida.  Jimbo Fisher, Florida State.  Mack Brown, Texas.  Dishonorable Mention: Randy Edsall.  Ha ha ha. . .Maryland is the laughingstock of college football after forcing out obese coach Ralph Friedgen (after a 9 win season) in favor of this coaching lemon.  Maryland was the biggest turd of the season, finishing a disgraceful 2 - 10 under the misguidance of Edsall.

Heisman: No contest.  Robert Griffin III.  Baylor beats Oklahoma, TCU and Texas??  Look at Baylor's record next year to see how good Griffin was.  It will be a shame if Griffin loses to Plowhorse Trent Richardson.  Tell me what Alabama's record would have been this year without Richardson.  That's right: 11 - 1.  Eddie Lacy would have done exactly what Richardson did.  There was nothing at all remarkable or special about Richardson's season.  Any average running back would have done the same.  Runners-Up: Montee Ball, Wisconsin.  Far better year than Richardson.  Jordan White, Western Michigan.  Whitney Mercilus, Illinois. Freshman of the Year: Sammy Watkins, Clemson.

Top Ten:
1. LSU
2. Oklahoma State
3. Alabama
4. USC
5. Oregon
6. Boise State
7. Ar-Kansas
8. South Carolina
9. Georgia
10. Stanford