NFL Week 12

Green Bay at Detroit +7: The Lions biggest game since the Christmas Eve 2000 season-ender, when all they had to do was beat a 4 win Chicago team to earn a playoff spot. But negro starting QB Charlie Batch punked out of the game at the last minute, claiming sore ribs, forcing the Lions to play inept back-up QB Stoney Case. The Lions lost, the Fords panicked and fired Gary Moeller, who would have been a helluva NFL coach, and then began the disastrous Matt Millen era. The Lions are in a wildcard chase now, and a win over the Packers would put them at 8 - 3, meaning they’d probably only need 2 more wins to get in. But they must beat Aaron Rodgers. . .Aaron Rodgers, the Greatest Quarterback of All-Time. . .that’s right, the Greatest Quarterback of All-Time. No QB has ever played like this guy is playing. Not even close. There’s only one way to beat Rodgers, and that’s the way the Lions beat him last year, knock him out of the game. There’s no hoping for an *off game* with this guy. You have to physically beat him out of the game. Fortunately, the Lions front four gives them a chance to do this. You’ll see a bunch more defensive penalties from the Lions in this one, as they try to injure the NFL’s All-Time Greatest Quarterback. I guess you could try to outscore the Packers, as Kurt Warner and Arizona did in that amazing playoff game a couple years ago, but that’s a sucker’s bet. . .although Mathilda Stafford will come into this game with a pretty hot hand, hitting 23 of her last 26 in the comeback over the Panthers. Stafford might be able to keep the Lions in range, but they’ll need Suh, Avril or Corey Williams to twist Rodgers head off to win this one. What the Hell, let’s say Nick Fairley finally does something, and rolls up Rodgers’ leg. Detroit.

Miami +7 at Dallas: Dallas has won three in a row, and statistically, they’re pretty good in every category. . .but they’ve played a pretty soft schedule. . .and Tony Romo hasn’t fucked anything up in a while, so you know he’s do for a bonehead moment, and with the Thanksgiving TV audience watching, maybe he can match Leon Lett’s 1993 Turkey Day boner, which was also against the Dolphins. . .and Miami’s won three straight anyway, allowing only 20 points total. Miami.

San Francisco +3 at Baltimore: Harbaugh Bowl I. Jim Harbaugh has the 49ers on one of the best rolls in recent NFL seasons. Not one of the flashiest, like the Brady Patriots, but one of rock solid disciplined play. . .we haven’t seen this kind of football in the NFL since maybe those old John Riggins Redskins teams. But Jimmy maybe is feeling a little tight about this one, as he has already prepared an excuse for a loss to big bro. That’s not a good sign, in my opinion. The Ravens don’t play every week, plain and simple. They lose to crap teams on the road. But this is a home game, against a good team, and the Ravens will come with their A game. Baltimore.

Buffalo +8 at New York Jets: The Jets have lost two in a row, including that incredible defeat at the feet of Tim Tebow. The Bills have lost 3 in a row, and are getting pounded, even by bad teams. Both sit now at 5 - 5, needing a win to boost their wildcard hopes. The Jets beat the Bills handily 3 weeks ago in Buffalo--if they can’t beat them at home this week, their season is over. New York Jets.

Chicago +3 at Oakland: No Jay Cutler. The Bears had been on a pretty good streak, 5 straight, and they beat some decent teams. Now it’s up to Caleb Hanie, who actually played better than Cutler in the NFC title game against the Packers last year. The Bears offense won’t be the reason they lose this one. The Bears defense won’t be able to stop the Raiders power run game, and Palmer will hit a few big passes. The Raiders have a chance to pull away in the AFC West. Oakland.

Denver +7 at San Diego: The Chargers have flopped miserably, losing 5 in a row after a 4 - 1 start. I think it’s safe to say their Super Bowl *window* has closed. Now it’s time to begin speculating on their next coach, etc. BUT, I’ll stick pick them to beat Denver. Even though the Chargers run defense sucks, which conveniently plays into the Broncos’ one strength, I can’t imagine Denver winning. I couldn’t imagine any of those crazy scenarios which allowed the Broncos to win 4 out of 5 with a 44% passer. Watching Tim Tebow play QB is like watching a Jerry Lewis movie. . .all slapstick, incredible bumbling and awkwardness and lack of coordination, and yet Tebow, like Lewis, somehow manages to be the hero at the end. What’s he gonna do this week, throw a last second pass that hits a zebra in the head, and ricochets 20 yards back to him, he catches it and zigzags 40 yards through the Chargers defense for the winning TD? San Diego.

NCAA Week 13

Arizona: Hires RichRod!  Good for RichRod. . .there's no question RichRod was stabbed in the back by the Lloyd Carr wing at U-M. . .everything was negative from Day One with RichRod. . .the black cloud never left him. . .and while I eventually tired of his inability to field even a mediocre defense or special teams, and he ultimately must take responsibility for the terrible 15 - 22 record, it must be noted he handled all the back-stabbing, the negativity, the all-around ill will from most of the state of Michigan with class [a bit of an eccentric, backwoods kind of class, but class nonetheless].  And his ability to construct a dynamic offense cannot be questioned. Arizona should be a good fit for RichRod, he should be able to put together a big offense quickly out there, but he's inheriting a team with a lousy defense. . .I doubt he'll be brining Greg Robinson with him. . .the one big choice he has to get right is Defensive Coordinator. . .if he makes the right hire, if he can lure his old buddy Jeff Casteel from WVU, he should have no problems competing in the Pac Whatever It Is. . .Rich Rod is a likable fellow, a decent guy who deserved better from the *Michigan Family,* and I would love to one day see a Michigan - Arizona Rose Bowl. . .what a great story that would be. . .the grudge match of the Age.  Good luck, RichRod!

Texas +8 at Texas A&M: Now that they've flopped away their season, and are firmly entrenched with nothing to play for but a marginally better Flea Bag Bowl, A&M should hammer their soon-to-be-former big rival, giving Texas another poor season, and setting the stage for Longhorn Nation handwringing over Mack Brown fatigue: how many games does Mack have to win next year before his seat gets hot?  Texas A&M.

Iowa +9 1/2 at Nebraska: Way back in my first message here I said: We’ll see just how shitty the Big 12 really is, after Nebraska, the preseason pick to win the Big 10, loses at least 3 Big 10 games. 3 in the bank, already.  The Big Whatever It Was is a soft conference, as evidence by Nebraska. . .they supposedly had a tough defense, but nobody in the Big 10 had any problem moving against them. . .even Ohio State ran up and down the field on them. . .Nebraska was too soft for the mediocre Big Ten, and they had a mediocre conference season, and now they wind up playing Iowa, a typical Big Ten team--not very good, but well-coached, particularly on defense.  Iowa should be able to cover, and I wouldn't be surprised if Iowa gave Nebraska one last slap in the face in their first Big Ten season.  Iowa.

Ar-Kansas +13 at LSU: The BCS experts say that even if Ar-Kansas beats LSU, LSU would still get the nod to play Alabama in a Paint Dry Bowl II BCS title game. . .huh?  How the hell is that even possible?  They need to have a human selection committee for this thing, instead of some dumb *mathematical* formula that rewards a losing team with the Grand Prize.  I'll be pulling for Ar-Kansas and Auburn to blow-up the BCS this weekend.  LSU.

Georgia at Georgia Tech +6: Tech has lost to all the good teams on their schedule, except a fading Clemson.  Georgia has won 9 in a row and won a spot in the SEC Title game.  Georgia's run defense has been outstanding, they are now #2 in the nation, trailing only mighty Alabama.  They'll get a test in this one, going against the #2 rushing offense in the nation.  Georgia.

Ohio State +8 at Michigan: A day before Jim Tressel was fired, who would have imagined OSU would enter this game an 8 point underdog?  But OSU has fallen to mediocre status in a swift fashion, and now poor Luke Fickell has only this game to save this season from being a bitter memory.  If he beats Michigan, he'll still be fired. . .Urban Meyer is already talking about the job openly, drama queening it by moaning what a tough decision he'll have to make. . .sure, coach, sure. . .but if Fickell could win this game, he'll at least have one pleasant memory for himself of his one no-way-to-come-out-of-it-alive season as Head Coach in his dream job.  Brady Hoke's dream job, season one, has been a success, nobody is complaining about the 9 - 2 record, as he has restored Michigan to its Lloyd Carr status. . .but if he should lose this game to a broken OSU team, it will definitely be a HUGE disappointment. . .Michigan has lost 7 in a row, they need to break that streak before Meyer gets the Buckeyes retooled.  I wouldn't say there is pressure on Michigan to win this game, but there is an expectation. . .the 10 win season, a decent bowl, and finally a win over OSU. . .to lose to a lousy Buckeye team will be a sour ending to what has been a very sweet first season for Brady Hoke.  Michigan stopped Taylor Martinez last week, and Braxton Miller is all OSU has, so you would think Michigan should win fairly easily. . .but never underestimate Denard Robinson's ability to turn the ball over and keep the other team in the game.  If Michigan wins, it won't be by 8.  Ohio State.

Alabama at Auburn +21: Why is Trent Richardson a Heisman candidate, and not Wisconsin's Monte Ball?  Richardson is another Mark Ingram. . .another over-rated college plowhorse, who in the NFL will be nothing but a Carousel Horse.  Compare Richardson's stats to Ball, and you will see Ball is the better player.  Anyway, Auburn lost BIG to Georgia, LSU and Ar-Kansas, why should Alabama be any different?  It's a rivalry game and you throw out the records, blah, blah, blah.  But Georgia Southern showed if you don't play afraid of Alabama, you can actually make some yards on that defense.  I think Alabama's been a little over-rated all season. . .they really only played two good teams. . .they beat Ar-Kansas easily and lost to LSU. . .both at home.  Auburn won't win, but if they don't wet their pants in the lockerroom prior to the game because it's Alabama, they could cover.  Auburn.

NFL Week 11 Results

Detroit 49, Carolina 35: The Lions started off like they left off in Chicago. . .INTs galore, fumbles, big kick returns allowed. . .just like that it's 24 - 7 Carolina.  But then Mathilda Stafford got hot, and *previously owned* running back Kevin Smith, just off the scrap heap, had the game of his life. . .the Lions offense was unstoppable in the second half, as they scored like they were playing a Big Whatever It Was Conference defense.  This keeps the Lions in the running for a wildcard, and gives them a little juice for theThanksgiving Day game against rhe Packers.  First chance to get a good look at Cam Newton. . .looked like a faster version of Daunte Culpepper. . .when the Panthers fix their Oklahoma State-like defense, they'll be a very tough team to beat.

Philadelphia 17, New York Giants 10: I said a couple weeks ago the Giants were the worst 6 - 2 team in the NFL. . .and they proved it by losing to Vince Young and a D.O.A. Eagles team.  The Eagles have a lousy run defense, yet all the Giants could get was 29 yards on 17 carries.  Looks like another fast start and playoff-blowing finish for Tom Coughlin.  The Eagles are still D.O.A.

Miami 35, Buffalo 8: And just like that, the Bills are crap, again.

San Francisco 23, Arizona 7: The Jim Harbaugh machine keeps rolling.  They play the Ravens on Thanksgiving night in the first Harbaugh Bowl. . .should be a helluva game. . .a throwback game to the old days when teams still played defense. 

NCAA Week 12 Results

Michigan 45, Nebraska 17: Two stats--only one turnover from Denard Robinson, that's the best he's ever done against a decent team . . .and Taylor Martinez 16 carries for 49 yards--that's the best Michigan has done against a running QB in years.  Michigan wins E-Z.  Best game for U-M since they beat Tebow in Lloyd's finale.  9 wins for Brady Hoke, defense looking solid at season's end, Michigan expected to beat OSU next week.  A far better year than I expected. . .things looking up for Michigan.  But a loss to Ohio State now would mar everything.  Beat OSU now, before Urban Meyer gets in there.  Oh, yeah, 29 carries for Toussaint--that's what I like to see. . .looks like Michigan might have a real #1 tailback.

Baylor 45, Oklahoma 38: With this result, along with the Oregon and Okie State losses, we got an all-SEC title game for sure. . .most likely Paint Dry Bowl II.  Right now, Alabama actually has the easier road to the Paint Dry Bowl. . .all they got to do is beat Auburn, while LSU still has to beat Ar-Kansas and Georgia.  It would be hi-larious if we got an Ar-Kansas - Alabama rematch instead of the LSU - Bama rematch.  I'll be pulling for Ar-Kansas on Friday. 

Kansas State 17, Texas 13: KSU goes into Austin, gains only 130 yards, and still pins loss #4 on Texas.  Snyder has got to be a candidate for Coach of the Year, getting 9 wins out of this crap team.  Meanwhile, Tezas, loaded with blue chippers, has two tough road games left (A&M and Baylor) and could follow up last year's 7 loss flop with a 6 loss flop--and you got to wonder if Mack Brown fatigue has set in. . .the guy had a nice run there for a while, with Vince Young, but now they are just another team.  You figure he's got one more year to return Texas to glory, or he'll be forced out.  At least his former successor Will Muschamp hasn't done anything at Florida, otherwise ol' Mack might be feeling the hot seat already.

Virginia 14, Florida State 13: FSU was the pre-seaon #6, and now they sit at 7 - 4, setting up next week's Flop Bowl against Florida.  Nice year for Virginia--they came out of nowhere to win 8 games.

NFL Week 11

New York Jets at Denver +6: It’s déja vu all over again for John Fox, stuck with another team without a decent quarterback.  At Carolina he won more than his fair share of games with the INT-prone Jake Delhomme, and now he has somehow won three of four with Tim Tebow operating the Mildcat offense.  Tebow had a grand total of 2 (TWO!) completed passes last week, and yet the Broncos were never in any real trouble against the Chiefs.  Meanwhile, the Jets were humiliated at home by the previously slumping Patriots, and blowhard head coach Rex Ryan embarrassed his starting QB Mark Sanchez in a halftime interview with an NBC Sports mannequin, calling Sanchez’ late first half timeout, which gave the Patriots about 20 extra seconds of game time, *the stupidest thing in NFL history* (uh, no. . .see Atlanta's Mike Smith, below).  Now Ryan and Sanchez have had to spend the last three days telling anybody with a microphone how much they love, admire and respect each other.  Right.  But anyway, if defensive genius Ryan can’t figure out a way to stop the Tebow Mildcat, maybe Sanchez can tell the sideline mannequin Ryan’s game plan is the dumbest in NFL history.  I picked the Jets as a sure thing last week, and I’m picking them again this week.  There is absolutely no way Denver can win this game.  New York Jets.

Carolina + 7 at Detroit: The Lions gave the Bears 21 points on interception and punt returns last week, and then, with a couple of overblown skirmishes, gave the increasingly candyass NFL a couple more dubious reasons to brand Detroit as the NFL’s dirtiest team.  Ha, in this wimpy modern NFL, where you can barely tackle anybody anymore without getting an unsportsman-like conduct penalty, even the Lions frail QB Mathilda Stafford is a ruff ‘n’ tuff dirty player, as she tried to rip the head off of pantywaist Bear D.J. Moore.  Cam Newton has cooled off a bit after his redhot start, and Carolina hasn't really come close to beating anybody in recent weeks.  The pitiful Panthers would seem just what the doctor ordered for the slumping Lions.  With the unbeatable Packers coming up next on Thanksgiving, this is a game the Lions absolutely have to win if they want to stay in the wildcard mix.  Detroit.

Tennessee +7 at Atlanta: I’m surprised more hasn’t been made of Falcons’ coach Mike Smith’s DUMB 4th-and-1 from his own 29 yardline overtime call last week.  When the Great Bill Belichick made a similarly STUPID call a couple years ago against the Colts, it was analyzed ad nauseum.  Smith’s call was retarded, and it cost his team any chance to win the game.  That is the cardinal sin of NFL coaching.  You don’t have many strategy moves as head coach, and when you make a retard move like that, and strip your team of a chance to win, and cost your team one valuable game as you chase a playoff spot, you ought to be taking a lot more heat than what Smith is getting.  Maybe in Atlanta he is being raked over the coals.  I can’t imagine the hometown fans are OK with that cretin’s call.  After beating two of the NFL’s shittiest teams in the last 3 weeks (Indianapolis and Carolina), the Titans find themselves still in the AFC wildcard chase.  That’s parity football for you.  Chris Johnson finally stopped falling down last week, and gained 130 yards.  If he regains his form, this sorry ass team might actually make the playoffs.  If they do, Mike Munchak ought to get AFC Coach of the Year.  But the only way the overmatched Titans win this game is if Mike Smith makes ten retard calls.  Atlanta.

Cincinnati +8 at Baltimore: How can the Ravens be favored by 8 after losing to the Seahawks?  Once again the Ravens beat the Steelers, and then turn around and lose to a garbage team, with Joe Flacco standing around looking as clueless as Mike Smith.  Even though their offense might be without A.J. Green, the Bengals defense is good enough to keep Cincy in the game.  Cincinnati.

San Diego +4 at Chicago.  The underachieving Chargers versus the overachieving Bears.  The Chargers are the opposite of the Denver Broncos. . .with the Broncos you sit there and scratch your head and wonder how the fuck did they win. . .with the Chargers you scratch your head and wonder how the Hell did they lose?  But it’s just about that time of year when they win a few games to give Norv Turner one more year.  San Diego.

NCAA Week 12

When Oklahoma - Baylor is the Big Game of the Week, you know you got a weak slate of games.  There are very few games worth commenting on, all the Big Boys in the SEC are playing 98 pound weaklings:

South Carolina will give Citadel a Sandusky-style ass beating

Auburn will put Samford on McQueary Street

Florida will almost touch genitals with Furman

Alabama will horse around with Georgia Southern

LSU will not have to go the Second Mile against Ole Miss

Georgia will have Kentucky ready for the shower room by half-time

With such a sorry line-up to comment on, I'll toss in a couple fillers:

5 - 5 Flops--here are the three biggest flops of the 2011 season.  These three teams were in the pre-season Top 25, and now after ten games find themselves struggling to qualify for the chance to get molested by Houston, Boise State or Southern Mississippi in a Flea Bag Bowl:

Texas A&M: The #8 pre-season team is the Biggest Flop of all. . .playing in the softest of the BCS Conferences this side of the Big East, the Aggies blew more double digit leads this year than Jerry Sandusky blew ten year old boys.  A&M clearly couldn't handle the pressure of the expectation for a Big Year. . .they shit themselves whenever they had a so-called *statement game*. . .and then had the *chutzpa* (that's the Jew term for JoePa, meaning the unmerited nerve to overlook the evidence) to judge themselves worthy of the SEC.  Maybe the SEC can form a Development Conference (SEC DC) with A&M, Kentucky, Tennessee, the Mississippis and Missouri. . .the winner each year gets to move up to the Regular SEC for the following season, while the team with the worst conference record in the Regular SEC gets kicked down to the SEC DC.

Mississippi State: I have to blame the #20 pre-seaon team's flop status on RichRod.  They got to play RichRod's last Michigan team in the Gator Bowl, and their 52 - 14 demolition brought them an undeserved reputation as a team-on-the-rise.  Michigan was a corpse by the time the Gator Bowl rolled around, and nobody on the defense wanted to get hurt making a tackle for a Dead Coach Walking.  In their four games against the Big Boys (LSU, Alabama, Georgia, South Carolina) this year, Mississippi State has scored a combined total of 35 points.  Everything will be back to normal next year in Starkville, with nobody paying any attention to the Bulldogs (what's with so many teams in the SEC having the same nickname?  And next year they'll have a third Tigers when Missouri joins. . .).

Florida: The #22 team in the pre-season, with their *Dream Team* of fancy new *genius coordinator* coaches, Will Muschamp and FatAss Charlie Weiss.  Ha ha ha, these two clowns are geniuses when the opposition is Florida Atlantic, UAB, Furman, Tennessee, Kentucky and Vanderbilt, but they are Rod Marinelli when going against Alabama, LSU, Georgia, Auburn, South Carolina and Florida State.  Next time, hire a head coach who has actually done something as a head coach.

Worst New Head Coach of the Year: There is actually somebody worse than Will Muschamp. . .Randy Edsall of Maryland.  For some reason the Brain Trust at Maryland, never a football power, wasn't satisfied with last year's 9 - 4 season, and they forced out their long-time head coach, Ralph Friedgen, who along with former Kansas head coach Mark Mangino were the only two head coaches in the history of college football fatter than Charlie Weiss.  Even more bizarre than the decision to fire Friedgen was their choice for his replacement: Randy Edsall, whose career consists of the dubious accomplishment of *building Connecticut football.*  Uh, Ralph Friedgen must still be scratching his head. . .he's dumped for a guy whose credentials consist of building a mediocre team in the weakest BCS conference??  Reminds me of the terrible decision Minnesota made they got sick of their 7 or 8 wins a year from Glen Mason, and dumped him for some hotshot assistant from Texas, and now Minnesota can't even win 3 games a year.  When these schools that win 7 or 8 a year start dreaming big, no good comes of it.  Don't put on airs, be happy with 7 - 5 or 8 - 4, with one big fluke 10 win season every 10 - 15 years.  But Randy Edsall??  Really??  Maryland goes from a 9 - 4 team to a 2 - 8 team that is now getting hammered week-after-week. 

And now for the few decent games of the week:

Nebraska +3 1/2 at Michigan: The battle to be embarrassed by one of the better SEC teams in a Florida New Years Day Bowl. . .Denard Robinson is down to two chances to beat somebody other than Notre Dame (and that's if you count next week's game against a mediocre Ohio State team).  I'd take Robinson's 60 yards rushing and crap passing against the good teams, if he would just stop turning over the fucking ball.  But he can't.  He can't help himself.  2, 3, 4 turnovers coming every game, most of them in the red zone.  He's Vince Young against Indiana or Minnesota, and Steve Bellisari against Michigan State or Ohio State.  I actually think Michigan is better than Nebraska, but then I knew Michigan was better than Iowa, and Robinson gave them the game.  Michigan's worst defensive game this year was against Northwestern's option, and now they face Taylor Martinez.  Not a good match-up for Michigan.  Nebraska.

Wisconsin at Illinois +14 1/2: I'm only including this game because I laughed when I heard Ron Zook walked out of his press conference after repeatedly being questioned about his job status.  He couldn't even handle some girl asking him about the hot seat--no wonder his teams always fold.  Will the Fighting Illini rally around him?  Nah. . .Wisconsin.

Pederast State University +7 at Ohio State: I'm surprised the Buckeyes are favored this much, coming off an embarrassing loss to Purdue.  Pederast State has the defense to stop OSU's one dimensional offense.  Do the experts think Jerry Sandusky's shower escapades carry over to the field?  All Pederast State has to do is score 10, and they'll at least cover.  Pederast State has Wisconsin next week, so if they lose this one, they'll go from having fired a coach with 409 career wins to firing a coach with 0 career wins.  Pederast State University.

Oklahoma at Baylor +15: Pinball game.  The #3 and #6 passing offenses in the country.  More than 100 total points will be scored in this quintessentially Big Whatever It Was Conference flag football game.  Baylor.

NCAA Week 11 Results

Michigan 31, Illinois 14: The vultures were spotted circling above Ron Zook as he ran off the field after this one.  His offense looked inept.  Plain and simple, his offensive line didn't block anybody all game.  Mike Martin looked like Mike Hammerstein against Illinois' powderpuff o-line.  Four straight losses for Zook after everybody was marveling how he was the Comeback Kid after Illinois' EZ Schedule 6 - 0 start. . .pencil Zook in for loss number five in a row next week against Wisconsin, and he'll likely have to beat Minnesota in the finale to save his job and avoid the ignominy of being replaced by an interim coach for an Illinois trip to the crappy Pizza Bowl.  As for Michigan, the offense stalled after a strong start. . .Denard Robinson had his usual quota of turnovers.  All it took was one halfway-decent TD pass from Devin Gardner to make me wonder if it wasn't time to move on from Robinson.  He can't run against even the mediocre Big 10 teams, and that leaves him virtually worthless.  But anyway, 8 wins for Hoke, he's just one win away from reaching Lloyd Carr level.

Georgia 45, Auburn 7: 304 rushing yards for Georgia, 51 for Auburn.  Quite an impressive beat down. . .and maybe Georgia just might give LSU a decent game in the SEC Championship. 

Oklahoma State 66, Texas Tech 6: This wasn't even a scrimmage.  Okie's 45 yr old QB looked like he was in one of those Brett Favre Wrangler commercials playing touch football with his buddies.  I'd rather see what that Okie State offense could do against LSU in the title game rather than see Alabama try to kick four field goals in Paint Dry Bowl II.

Oregon 53, Stanford 30:  I knew Stanford's white boy defense couldn't handle Oregon.  And Andrew Luck didn't look like a Heisman QB.  Oregon would be a better rematch for LSU than Alabama.  At least Oregon has already proved they can get into the end zone against LSU.  I have the feeling this will be the first in a series of mounting losses for Stanford's negro coach.  The Harbaugh glory days officially ended with this whipping.  I doubt Stanford will win 8 games next year.

Nebraska 17, Pederast State University 14: Jay Paterno crying for his dad.  Solemn, many people described the atmosphere as.  PSU canceled the white out and asked fans to wear blue, because, apparently, blue is the color of shower buttfuck survivors.  Tom Bradley still 409 wins behind JoePA.   

NFL Week 10

New Orleans at Atlanta +1: The Falcons are rounding into form with three straight wins, while the Saints have been treading water the past four weeks, alternating wins and losses.  New Orleans has never quite reached their Super Bowl level, they dropped a little last year, then suffered that embarrassing playoff loss to the worst playoff team ever, the 7-9 Seahawks. . .and the deterioration has continued this year.  Their run offense and run defense have both been slipping.  As long as the Falcons don't fall in love with Julio Jones and forget to give the ball to Turner 20+ times, they should be able move past the Saints in the NFC South.  Atlanta.

Houston at Tampa Bay +3 1/2: Houston has finally taken control of the shitty Manning-less AFC South with three straight wins over crappy teams.  In the absence of Andre Johnson, the Texans have used a power run game to trample three weaklings.   But these are, after all, the Xanax Texans, and their history shows they cannot handle prosperity.  Now they go on the road to play Tampa who have lost three out of four, all to playoff caliber teams.  The Bucs wildcard chances are beginning to slip away--they need a win, and now luckily the schedule serves them up the Texans, just as the Texans are due for a breakdown.  Tampa Bay.

Denver +3 1/2 at Kansas City: Big Game in the AFC West, the ultimate in NFL parity, impossible to predict what any of the four up-and-down teams in this division will do from week-to-week.  Somehow the Broncos managed to beat Oakland last week with Tim Tebow running a turtle speed option offense.  Kansas City, after an amazing four game win streak, amazing because they were beaten black-and-blue in their first three games and suffered three killer injuries, reverted to their season-opening form and got a Sandusky-style ass beating from the winless Miami Dolphins--at home, no less.  If Denver wins this game, all four teams in the AFC West will be within 1 game of each other.  Heads, Broncos.  Tails, Chiefs.  Kansas City.

Buffalo +5 1/2 at Dallas: Buffalo is tied with New England and the Jets for first in the AFC North, but their high-powered offense has been sputtering lately, as they've lost three out of five after their red-hot 3 - 0 start.  The Bills have the look of a team that knows the jig is up.  Dallas' rookie running back DeMarco Murray has been unstoppable, averaging almost 7 yards per carry, and now he faces a weak Buffalo run defense.  No excuse for the Cowboys to allow Romo to fuck this game up, just give Murray the ball 25 times and they win E-Z.  Dallas.

Pittsburgh at Cincinnati +3:  Are the Bengals for real?  Who knows, they've only played two games against teams with winning records.  They lost to the 49ers and beat the Bills.  The *experts* apparently think the Bengals are frauds, giving them points at home.  The Steelers 4 game win streak ended last week when they refused to take a game Baltimore tried to give away.  The Steelers have slowly evolved into Air Roethlisberger, as their run game gets weaker and weaker.  Mendenhall only had 13 carries against the Ravens, while Big Ben was tossing it 37 times.  That's not how the Steelers win Super Bowls.  That's how the Steelers get in the playoffs as a Wild Card, and get sent home early.  This game will be the perfect example.  The Bengals have the number 2 run defense in the NFL, so the Steelers won't even bother trying to run, they'll have Big Ben throw it 40 times, but the Bengals will be sitting back and snag 2 or 3 INTs.  Meanwhile, Cincy's offense will run plowhorse Cedric Benson 20 or 25 times against the Steelers, and while he probably won't get more than 75 yards, they'll win the game with defense, special teams, turnovers and field position.  Cincinnati.

New York Giants +3 at San Francisco: The Giants are the worst 6 - 2 team in the NFL.  They can't run, and they can't stop the run.  But luck and an easy schedule have them at 6 - 2.  The 49ers are a rock solid team, no luck involved in their 7 - 1 start.  They are the number 6 rushing team, and number 1 in rush defense.   They 49ers have won 5 in a row. . .but I get the feeling they are due for a bad game.  You rarely see teams in the NFL play as mistake-free as the 49ers week-after-week.  So you have a game in which the Giants have had more than their share of good luck, against a team due for some bad luck.  New York Giants.

Detroit +3 at Chicago: The Bears have won three in a row, riding Matt Forte's hot streak, since losing to the Lions.  The Lions have lost 2 out of 3, and have never had much success against Forte.  The Lions never play very well at Soldier Field, dumb penalties, turnovers, missed field goals, and the last time they played there, Julius Peppers broke Mathilda Stafford's shoulder, and then the zebras took away Calvin Johnson's game-winning td catch.  Watch Jim Schwartz closely on the sidelines in this one.  Chicago.

New England +1 at New York Jets:  This is an E-Z one to pick.  Bet the house on this one.  It's as simple as this: New England is on the decline, while the Jets are on the rise.  Jerry Sandusky has a better chance of being elected to the College Football Hall of Fame than the Patriots winning this game.  New York Jets. 

NCAA Week 11

What's a little *horseplay* between friends?

Nebraska at Pederast State University +3: I always wondered why *Legendary* Coach Joe Paterno has been allowed to stay on so many years past his expiration date.  Now I know.  So that his *legend* may be forever tarnished.  Woe unto you, when all men shall speak well of you!  So many of the so-called *Greats* of the World actually end up believing the baloney that is testified of them.  Paterno has had a halo painted over his head for decades now, and has come to believe in his own sainthood.  Even as a sordid sex scandal swirls around him, he conducts himself as a saint: My wife and I we have 17 grandkids from 16 to 3 and we pray for them every night. We’re gonna start praying for those kids that got involved with some of the problems that were talked about.   Ha ha ha. . .as if his prayers have some special value. . .sorry, Joe, those prayers for the victims shall go unheard.  Those kids got *involved* with some *problems*. . .that's a nice way to describe a ten year old boy being buttfucked in the Pederast State U. football showers!  Paterno believes he is a great man, and a legend, and he will never admit the obvious: that he looked the other way while his buddy Jerry Sandusky was raping untold numbers of boys.  Everybody seems to think the most damning evidence of Paterno's failure is when a grad assistant told JoePa he had witnessed Sandusky buttfucking a ten year old boy, Paterno simply passed the info on to Pederast State University Athletic Director Tim Curley, and never gave it another thought.  Supposedly Paterno's great sin was never following through, never going directly to law enforcement officials himself.  No.  Paterno fucked up a thousand different ways.  For example, when supposedly fulfilling his legal obligation by reporting the incident to AD Curley, Paterno characterized the buttfucking as *horseplay.*  He therefore lied about the conduct of his friend Sandusky.  He denied any crime had been committed.  He tried to cover his own ass, when he should have been trying to cover the asses of all the ten year old boys near Sandusky.  But this happens every day, all day, all over the world, men and women fuck up and try to sneak away.  It's called *human nature.* In my opinion, JoePa's great sin occurred years before he called buttfucking *horseplay* (a lie unless JoePa himself fucks horses in the ass).  JoePa's great sin was his church of Rome attitude toward Man/Boy Love: Sandusky was so comfortable operating as a child molester in the JoePa football program, he actually brought boys along with him on road trips to away games when he was JoePa's Defensive Coordinator!  Sandusky brought young boys on the sidelines at games!  Sandusky brought young boys to football dinners!  For years and years JoePa saw Sandusky constantly in the presence of young boys, and he never thought anything was inappropriate?  If someone told JoePa, hey, coach, did you hear Michael Jackson admitted he likes to sleep with little boys, don't you think that's weird, I wonder if JoePa said, nah, there's nothing weird about that, look at Sandusky here, he can't coach a road game without having a little boy in his room, there must be something calming about having a little boy in bed with you.  Paterno has never been a Great Man.  There are no Great Men.  The truth is Paterno selfishly hung on for years and years past his expiration date because he was in an All-Time Wins race with Bobby Bowden. . .nothing else mattered. . .Sandusky could buttfuck boys with total impunity as Paterno was only worried about his own *legacy.*  After beating Bowden, Paterno has continued to hang on, chasing ever-more-frivolous Wins records, even feeling the need to erase negro *legend* Eddie Robinson from some convoluted NCAA coaching record.  But the great irony is that by hanging on and on and on and on, year after year, to burnish his record, he ends up having to face the music as the Sandusky scandal finally breaks open.  Had Paterno retired 10 years ago, the spotlight wouldn't be shining on him anywhere near this brightly.  Now he will likely be forced out, and not allowed to make some Grand Final Season Tour, as he has always planned and relished. . .and, of course, his so-called *legend,* and all his great 400+ wins will be forever smeared with the Sandusky semen leaking from a ten year old boy's ass.  An icon smashed: at least one good thing comes of Jerry Sandusky's *horseplay.*  Nebraska.

[BTW, what were these idiots thinking??  Provincial morons like this are admitted to a supposed *prestigious academic institution?*  In a truly vulgar display, these imbeciles hold a *pep rally,* a party, no doubt drinking beer and flirting with each other as they *rally* to show support for a disengaged old fossil of a coach who characterizes a grown man buttfucking a little boy as *horseplay.*  Do they all fuck horses in the ass in State College, PA?] 

Oklahoma State at Texas Tech +17: Please don't tell me all that stands in the way of an LSU - Alabama rematch (Paint Dry Bowl II) is Okie State?  Okie State's defense is terrible, and sooner or later it's gonna cost them.  They've only held one team under 24 points this year.  Texas Tech, after a huge upset win over Oklahoma, has promptly got their ass beat Sandusky-style by Iowa State and Texas.  Still, getting 17 against a horseplay defense like Okie State's seems too good to pass up.  Texas Tech.

Texas Christian University +15 at Boise State:  Poor Boise, being locked out again.  If they finish undefeated, they should be in the title game, instead of Alabama.  Boise will have ended up kicking the ass of one of the two teams which will play in the SEC Title Game (Georgia). . .yet they keep getting frozen out in the BCS rating system.  If the SEC is so great, why doesn't Boise get a free pass for whipping Georgia in Georgia?  At least Boise won't have to play TCU in a BCS bowl game this year.  They will finally have to be matched up with a supposed *Big Boy* school, and they'll probably put a Sandusky-style beating on *Big Boy's* ass.  Boise State.

Auburn +14 at Georgia: Georgia coach Mark Richt said Isaiah Crowell will be in the starting lineup when he returns from suspension against Auburn. “I can’t imagine him not being [the starter],” Richt-the-molder-of-young-men said.  Yeah, with Auburn on the schedule, and not New Mexico State, I can't imagine it, either. Ha ha ha. . .Crowell's drug problem magically cured in one week, just in time for Auburn.  If there's any justice, Crowell will fumble late in the game to cost Georgia a win against Auburn.  In any event, 14 is too many to give.  The only teams Georgia has beat by more than 14 are Coastal Carolina and New Mexico State.  Auburn.

Michigan at Illinois +1: Both teams started 6 - 0, and now the losses are starting to pile up.  Denard Robinson just can't beat anybody even halfway-decent in November.  A loss here, with Nebraska and Ohio State in the last two, and Brady Hoke is staring at a RichRod finish to his first year.  Unfortunately for Michigan, Illinois has the run game to batter their over-achieving defense, and it looks like another frustrating loss, with Robinson's clockwork turnovers and erratic passing preventing Michigan from outscoring another mediocre Big Ten team.  Illinois.

Oregon +3 1/2 at Stanford: Oregon was my preseason pick to win it all, but they fumbled away the LSU game, and now they sit at #7 in the BCS--it would take a string of unlikely upsets to get them a rematch with LSU in the title game.  This game is their season.  Even with Jim Harbaugh, Oregon was too much for Stanford.  Now Harbaugh is gone, and Stanford has a negro running the show.  He got lucky against USC.  He'll need more than luck in this one.  Oregon's offense has too many fancy negroes for Stanford's white boy defense to handle.  Oregon.

Alabama at Mississippi State +17 1/2: A lot of people still seem to believe Alabama is better than LSU.  Sorry, the only way Alabama could beat LSU is if they played on a 60 yard football field.  Bama was better between the 20s, but SUCKED where it mattered most.  I'm guessing they will be suffering from a Les Miles hangover, and Mississippi State should be able to hang around for most of the game and cover the 17 1/2.  Mississippi State.

NCAA Week 10

Michigan at Iowa +4:  Iowa is not a very good team.  Correction.  Iowa doesn’t have very good players.  They are a Wisconsin-lite, they develop a decent offensive line and usually have one or two good players on defense.  They’ve won a lot more games over the years  than they should have because they avoid mistakes, they let the other teams beat themselves.  Ferentz is one of the most conservative coaches in the country, he takes fewer risks than anybody in the Big 10.  By playing not to lose, every 2 or 3 years he runs into a lucky streak and Iowa gets a 10 win season, but they can also have years when they are barely over .500 and can be beaten by anybody, as was shown last week when they lost to one of the worst Big 10 teams I have ever seen, Minnesota.  Michigan is not a powerhouse by any means.  They’ve only gotten yards out of their tailbacks against shitty teams, and their pass offense is *erratic,* to be charitable to Denard Robinson.  Michigan’s defense has improved this year, but they can still be run on.  Michigan is the better team, or at least, has better players, particularly at the so-called *skill* positions.  Michigan should beat Iowa.  But it’s a road game, the weather might suck, making Robinson’s passes even more *unpredictable* than they usually are, and Iowa could win off of turnovers, special teams, etc.  It will be discouraging, but not surprising, if Michigan gives away the game.  Before the year started, this game looked like a loss, but now, after 8 games, Michigan is clearly the better team.  It will be the first real small step backward for Brady Hoke’s Michigan if they get beaten by these Ferentz clodhoppers.  Michigan. 

Indiana +28 at Ohio State: Indiana is now challenging Minnesota for the worst team in the Big 10.  And Ohio State, now that they have finally benched 45 yr old 10th yr senior qb Joe Bauserman for *dual threat* (meaning he runs a lot fucking better than he throws) Braxton Miller, have upset Illinois and Wisconsin the last two weeks, and a decent season is still possible.  Ohio State will win this game, but even though Indiana gives up about 40 points a game, I don’t think the Buckeyes will cover.  After playing Michigan State, Nebraska, Illinois and Wisconsin, the Buckeyes will barely be able to keep their eyes open for indiana, allowing the dumbly-nicknamed Hoosiers to cover.  Indiana.

Vanderbilt +13 at Florida: Vanderbilt actually had Ar-Kansas beaten last week, and then choked it away at the end.  Perennially bad teams frequently do this.  They get so excited that they are actually going to win a big game, they prematurely ejaculate the victory.  These kind of teams are like pimply virgins who come across a drunken girl, and get her panties off, and then, so excited at finally scoring, they *spill their seed* even before they enter the *end zone*. . .and suffer yet another bitter defeat in their sad lives.  Alabama and South Carolina are the only teams that beat the Commodes. . .er, uh, the Commodores, by more than 13 points.  Florida ain’t no Alabama, and ain’t no Lattimore South Carolina.  Vanderbilt probably won’t win, but they should cover E-Z.  Vanderbilt. 

New Mexico State +34 at Georgia:  Looky here: Georgia running backs Isaiah Crowell, Carlton Thomas and Ken Malcome are suspended for this game.  The three players were disciplined for failing a drug test that was administered last week before Georgia's 24-20 victory over Florida.  Ha ha ha. . .here we have typical big time college football *discipline:* the players are allowed to play in a game they need them to win, but then conveniently suspended for a game in which they could play with one of their back-up tackles at tailback and still beat the shit out of their opponent.  Coach Richt is not going to do anything to threaten his season-ending and job-saving 10 game winning streak.  Drugs?  So what, we need to beat Florida, I’ll *discipline* them against New Mexico State, and then, voila!, all drug problems are solved in one week, and these fine young men can wear the Georgia uniform against Auburn, when we need them again.  Unfortunately, in college football bad apples don’t spoil the barrel, and Richt will get away with his phony *discipline.*  Georgia.

Purdue +26 at Wisconsin: Wisconsin’s dream season has turned into a bitter disappointment as they have lost two in a row on last second bombs.  They thought they had pulled a fast one by brining over North Carolina State’s fancy negro quarterback for one year, but it backfired.  They don’t run the ball as well as they used to do, and with the negro’s big plays, their defense is on the field longer than it was when white boy cow milker Scott Tolzein was handing it off 50 times a game and the Badgers offense chewed up 35 - 40 minutes of clock time.  I won’t be surprised if one of the shitty teams still remaining on their schedule beats Wisconsin.  They put all their eggs in their fancy negro quarterback’s basket, and a couple got cracked.  One more won’t make a difference, now.  Purdue.

Texas A&M +14 at Oklahoma: Now that A&M has crapped in their pants 3 times and soiled their season, the pressure is off.  And now they get 14 against a soft, over-rated team.  Where was this team all year, they’ll say, after A&M beats Oklahoma.  Where were they?  Sitting in their own dirt.  Now their pants are clean, and their bowels are relieved of pressure, and they can *just go out and have fun on the football field.*  Texas A&M. 

South Carolina +5 at Ar-Kansas: Overshadowed by THE GAME, this is still important in the SEC.  Georgia needs Ar-Kansas to beat SC to win the SEC East.  South Carolina is winning with defense in the absence of Marcus Lattimore, but they haven’t played anybody yet that can score like Ar-Kansas.  I just don’t see Carolina shutting down the Razorbacks like they did Tennessee and Mississippi State.  Ar-Kansas wins fairly easily, and opens the door to the SEC title game for Georgia.  Ar-Kansas.

LSU +5 at Alabama: The Game of the Century.  Alabama only gives up 7 points a game, and nobody has come closer than 16 against them.  But their offense is not great.  It’s good, because their run game has gotten better as the season has progressed.  But LSU certainly has a defense that can shut down Alabama’s run game and force Crimson Tide QB McCarron to beat them.  That ain’t likely.  What is likely is that McCarron will make the one or two mistakes that allow Les Miles to walk out the winner in Saban Bowl V.  LSU.